The Complex Reality of Working in a Church: Lessons in Leadership, Friendship, and Faith

Here I am, 29 years old, living in Indonesia, serving as a campus pastor for a large international church. Sounds like a dream, right? Well, it’s a beautiful calling, but let me tell you — it’s complicated. Over the past 10 years, I’ve worn many hats in church leadership. From leading the youth ministry to stepping into the role of campus pastor, I’ve experienced the highs and lows of serving in a church community. And as you can imagine, the complexity of working in a church goes far beyond what you see on Sunday mornings.

Church isn’t just where we worship. For those of us who work in ministry, it’s where we build relationships, serve, lead, and navigate the intricacies of being both friend and leader. There’s this tangled web where your faith, your job, and your friendships all intersect — and let me tell you, that can get messy. You find yourself in moments where you have to make tough calls, balancing between being a loving friend, a spiritual leader, and sometimes even a boss. And because it’s a church, you can’t just “lay down the law”; you have to embody grace, love, and patience in everything you do.

For anyone in ministry — or anyone who works in a place where relationships overlap with leadership — here are some key lessons I’ve learned over the years that apply whether you work in a church or not.

1. Wearing Multiple Hats: Clarity is Key

One of the most challenging aspects of church leadership is navigating the multiple roles you play in people’s lives. You might be a leader, a friend, a mentor, and sometimes even a boss, all at once. Imagine confronting a close friend at church because their actions don’t align with God’s word. Now you’re not just a friend but also their leader — and it gets even trickier if that friend works alongside you in ministry.

In these situations, it’s important to be clear about which role you’re speaking from. When I have to switch from being a friend to being a leader or mentor, I tell the person upfront, “I’m shifting into my leader role right now.” This approach makes it clear that my feedback or decisions aren’t coming from a place of friendship but from a place of leadership and responsibility. It also helps ease potential tension and ensures that the conversation stays focused on the issue at hand, not personal feelings.

This principle doesn’t just apply to church work. Whether you’re managing a team, mentoring someone, or even guiding a family member through something difficult, being transparent about the hat you’re wearing can help you lead with clarity and avoid confusion.

2. Be Your Authentic Self — Titles Don’t Define You

One of the pressures that comes with leadership in any field, but especially in the church, is the expectation to “be someone” you’re not. As soon as you get a leadership title, people often expect you to be the most spiritual person in the room, the one with all the answers, or the one leading every prayer. But here’s the truth: being a leader doesn’t mean changing who you are.

In my role, I’ve had to remind myself constantly to be authentic. When I’m hanging out with friends or members of the congregation, I don’t try to be someone I’m not. I don’t need to force myself to become the loudest voice if that’s not who I am. People follow leaders who are real and transparent, not those who put on a façade to meet others’ expectations. Being yourself, even when you’re in a position of authority, creates trust and allows people to see that leadership doesn’t mean perfection — it means serving from a genuine heart.

This applies to anyone in a leadership position, whether at work, in your community, or in your family. Authenticity builds trust, and trust is the foundation of any successful leadership. When people see the real you, they are more likely to follow your lead because they know you’re not just saying the right things, you’re living them out.

3. Problems Will Come — God Will Give You Wisdom

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: Problems will come, and people won’t always agree with you. Whether you work in a church or in another setting, leadership always comes with challenges. In my case, I grew up in the community I now lead, which means some people still see me as the 19-year-old who was just learning the ropes. Even though I have the title of pastor, some don’t always agree with my decisions or direction. And guess what? That’s okay.

What has sustained me through these moments is the belief that God will provide wisdom for every difficult decision. When friends disagree with a direction I’m leading the church in, I have to approach it with love and grace, while remaining steadfast in my calling. Seek God’s heart in every conversation and ask for His wisdom. Proverbs 3:5–6 reminds us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and not to lean on our own understanding. In all our ways, we should acknowledge Him, and He will make our paths straight.

No matter where you work, there will be moments of tension — whether it’s dealing with office politics, balancing personal and professional relationships, or navigating team dynamics. Problems are part of life. But instead of bending to the opinions of others or making impulsive decisions, seek wisdom from God (or from wise counsel if you’re not a person of faith) and lead from a place of peace, not anxiety.

4. Balance Between Work and Relationships

When you work in a church, the lines between personal relationships and professional duties often blur. Your colleagues are often your closest friends, and your spiritual community is the same as your workplace. But this isn’t unique to church settings. In many workplaces, close relationships form, and suddenly you find yourself in situations where personal and professional roles clash.

David’s story from the Bible is a great example of the tension that can arise when relationships and leadership collide. David, before becoming king, had to navigate his relationship with Saul, a man who was both his king and his enemy. Despite Saul’s attempts to kill him, David showed restraint and wisdom, choosing not to harm Saul even when he had the opportunity (1 Samuel 24). David had to balance his duty as a future king and his personal loyalty to the anointed one, Saul. The lesson here is to rely on wisdom and patience when balancing relationships and leadership.

Final Thoughts: Working in a Church — and Life in General — IT’s Complicated, but It’s Worth It

Whether you work in a church or anywhere else, leadership is messy. You’ll find yourself balancing friendships, responsibilities, and expectations, all while trying to lead from a place of grace and integrity. The good news? It’s possible to do all of this well, but it takes intentionality, authenticity, and a lot of wisdom from God.

For those considering ministry, or even stepping into leadership in any capacity, I encourage you to spend time building deep relationships and community before stepping into your role. When you have strong, healthy relationships, you’ll find that navigating the complexities of leadership becomes much more manageable.

Yes, working in a church is complex — it tangles together your faith, your friendships, and your professional life. But with that complexity comes an incredible opportunity for growth, deep community, and a chance to see lives changed, including your own. With God’s wisdom, a humble heart, and a commitment to authenticity, you can thrive in the messiness of church life — and in any other leadership role.